


In Which Peter Is Everyone’s Favourite Avenger

by DestroyedConscience



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bisexual Peter Parker, Civil War? Never heard of her., Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Avengers, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, Group chat, Multi, OOC probs (definitely), Peter Parker Acts Like a Spider, Peter Parker has such a huge crush on Thor, Peter Parker is a Mess, Pietro Maximoff Lives, Social Media, They're all fuckin gay f i g h t me, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Twitter, an awful attempt at humour, but an attempt nonetheless, but everyone does so it isn’t much of a big deal, can you tell, cuz i fuckin said so, i have no idea what i’m doing lmao, i have no planning done for this fic, im just goin with the flow, no beta we die like men, oh yeah pewdiepie’s here too, yeah endgame DEFINITELY didn't happen, yes you heard that right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-01-04 11:49:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 15,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18343103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestroyedConscience/pseuds/DestroyedConscience
Summary: spidey @SMOfficialbeing straight exists??? tragic.shuri @wakandanprincessO O F—a peter-centric, avengers on Twitter fic (cuz the world totally doesn’t have enough of those.)





	1. I’m too insecure in my abilities to write an actual Avengers fic whOOPS

**Author's Note:**

> lmao i have no idea what i’m doing but i’m doing it anyway. i decided to do this at 3am tbh, seemed like a good idea at the time. this may or may not be my way of easing myself into writing for this fandom after stalking it for years lol. let’s hope this helps make me more comfortable writing them

**spidey**  
  
@SMOfficial  
  
it is wednesday mdudes  
  
Joined: Just Now  
  
**12** Following **5** Followers

* * *

 

 **spidey**  @SMOfficial 

hhhhh thor big strong,,,  
  
**32.4k** likes **7.9k** retweets  
  
  
  
**ms maximoff pls** @steponmyneck

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

mood   
  
  
**jen** @r0tten

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

wait... s p i d e r m a n has a twitter now?!  
  
  
  
**Tony S.** @iamironman

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

kid what the fuck  
  
  
  
**Cap** @steverogers

_In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman_

his first post on here and it’s this jfc

* * *

  
**spidey** @SMOfficial  
  
it has come to my attention that @iamironman is a Spoil Sport who won’t let me have fun :/  
  
**12.3k** likes **8.9k** retweets  
  
  
  
**tye** @rosemaryntyler

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

oof what happened  
  
  
  
**spidey** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @rosemaryntyler_

i spoke the Truth and he couldn’t handle it.  
  
  
  
**mj** @michellejones

_In reply to @SMOfficial and @rosemaryntyler_

he was thirsting after thor. again.  
  
  
  
**spidey** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @michellejones_

[maybeso.gif]  
  
  
  
**strongest avenger** @thorodinson 

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

i like you also, son of Stark :)  
  
  
  
**spidey** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @thorodinson_

skshdjdjsjjsjdjfjrjdOSSJSJSHSKSK  
  
  
  
**mj** @michellejones

_In reply to @thorodinson and @SMOfficial_

@thorodinson i think you broke him

 

* * *

 

 **there’s a b?!?!?!** @michaelbclancy

is no one gonna acknowledge thor called spider-man “son of Stark”???  
  
**7.6k** likes **6.7k** retweets  
  
  
  
**sasha** @oaktreewinds

_In reply to @michaelbclancy_

i mean— i thought it was just common knowledge at this point  
  
  
  
**tony stark marry me challenge** @mikayeeeela

_In reply to @michaelbclancy and @oaktreewinds_

same lol

* * *

 

 **nat** @blackwidow

I swear to god I’m so fuckin done with living in this goddam compound  
  
**15.4k** likes **8.6k** likes  
  
  
  
**katie** @crimsonwizard

_In reply to @blackwidow_

what happened????  
  


**nat** @blackwidow

_In reply to @crimsonwizard_

I went down to the kitchen bc I wanted some coffee but for some reason @SMOfficial likes to do his homework on the fuckin CEILING  
  


**nat** @blackwidow 

_In reply to @crimsonwizard_

I didn’t even notice until I looked up after making the cup and he was just... There. Long story short, I spilled coffee everywhere and my hands and chest are burned.

  
  
**spidey** @SMOfficial 

_In reply to @blackwidow_

i said i was sorry!!! :-(  
  


**nat** @blackwidow

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

I know.  
  


**ms maximoff pls** @steponmyneck

_In reply to @blackwidow and @SMOfficial_

wait, homework?? is spider-man a student?!??!  
  


**spidey** @SMOfficial 

_In reply to @steponmyneck_

fuck.

* * *

  
**Tony S.** @iamironman  
  
Yes, Spider-Man is a student. No, we will not be disclosing his specific age or what level of education he is currently in. We all would appreciate if Spider-Man was given at least some form privacy as it is, quite frankly, none of your business.  
 **82.3k**  likes **65.2k** retweets  
  
  
**jen** @r0tten 

_In reply to @iamironman_

you know it’s serious when he uses proper capitalisation and punctuation

 

 **spidey** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @r0tten_

Okay but seriously, please give me at least enough privacy to finish school. I have enough stress with the fighting crime thing I've got going on. Having to worry about people hunting down my classmates and teachers doesn't need to add any more stress.

 

 **spidey** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @r0tten_

Also, that wasn't meant to come across as me targeting you or anything! You were just the first person I saw in the replies

 

 **jen** @r0tten

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

I know ♥

 


	2. whomst thy fucketh is peter

**spidey** @SMOfficial

having older friends is stressful. you talk about your young people problems n they’re just like ‘haha i remember when i experienced that during WW2’

**121k** likes  **87.3k** retweets

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

@ me next time sis

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @jamesbarnes _

SKSKSKSKSKSK WHO TAUGHT BUCKY INTERNET SLANG

 

**Cap** @steverogers

_ In reply to @cbarton _

that display name is highly inappropriate 

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @steverogers _

suck it capsicle

 

* * *

 

**claudia** @hitormiss

I’d just like to thank Twitter for supplying me w the knowledge that the avengers are the Best thnx

**3.4k** likes  **2.7k** retweets

 

**spidey** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @hitormiss _

if you needed twitter to tell you that you obviously don’t love us enough. smh fake fan. 

 

**claudia** @hitormiss

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

im lov u

 

**spidey** @SMOfficial 

_ In reply to @hitormiss _

im lov u too <3

 

* * *

 

**whoever threw that paper** @urmomsahoe

This just in: Spidey is best boy

**7.2k** likes **4.1k** retweets

 

**spidey** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @urmomsahoe _

:3c

 

* * *

 

**spidey** @SMOfficial

i would die for Thor

**102k** likes  **54.1k** retweets

 

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

I would never let that happen. 

 

**spidey** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

<3   
  


* * *

 

**spidey** @SMOfficial

it’s been like a month how tf am I at 10mil followers already?!?!? the only other avenger to have more is Tony what the fuck how did this h a p p e n

**124.8k** likes  **73.4k** retweets

 

**Tony S.** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

You’re probably going to end up overtaking me soon, the rate you’re going. 

 

**spidey** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @iamironman _

w h y tho

 

**Tony S.** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

Cuz they love you, kid. Can’t blame them, to be honest. 

 

**jen** @r0tten

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman _

hhhhhh i’m Soft for two (2) boys

 

**nattie** @naturenat

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman _

Thank you Lord for giving me prime SpiderKid and IronDad content. 

 

**spidey** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @naturenat _

spiderkid… hm. 

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

new name, new me B)

**127.4k** likes  **45.6k** retweets

 

**Tony S.** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

I literally make sure you have the highest level tech before it’s even released to the public. You have access to emojis. Why don’t you ever use them?

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @iamironman _

bc it’s more fun to use emoticons!! now, do the thing!! 

 

**Tony S.** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

That’s not happening. 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @iamironman _

… please? :(

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

Happy now?

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @iamironman  _

very :)

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

The things I do for you, kid. I swear to God.

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @iamironman _

uwu

 

* * *

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

Before anybody asks, no, I was not the one that made @SMOfficial use ‘uwu’. He is just Like That.

**78.2k** likes  **34.1k** retweets

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess _

as someone who sees him daily, i can verify. (the three of us are watching love simon tonight, right?)

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

See, @iamironman? I told you. (yeah, i already checked with peter too, he’s able to make it)

 

**hit me two times** @borkbork

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess _

who the fuck is peter

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @borkbork _

Shit.

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @borkbork _

shit.

 

* * *

 

**well done gays**

 

**(bi)derman:** shuri what the fuck

 

**whAt aRE thOsEEEE:** lOok I’m soRRY OK

 

**whAt aRE thOsEEEE:** I ONLY REALISED  A F T E R I PUBLISHED THE TWEET

 

**(bi)derman:** ik, it’s okay. i honestly don’t give a fuck lol. but mr.stark is another story

 

**whAt aRE thOsEEEE:** he mad?

 

**(bi)derman:** considerably so

 

**whAt aRE thOsEEEE:** damn it. so i’m guessing no movie night?

 

**(bi)derman:** probably not :/

 

**murder strut rights 2k19:** god fucking damn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you couldn't tell, murder strut rights 2k19 is bucky lol


	3. Reveals, Threats and Fortnite

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

:-)

_[attached: a tik tok recreation of the famous “hit or miss” tik tok, although this one is of Spider-man, who is still in suit. He recreates it to a T, until the end, in which he rips off his mask before hitting the dab.]_

**3.6M** likes **1.8M** retweets

 

 **canary** @islandis

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

WHAT FHE FUCKEKDJSJSJSKKSS

 

 **mary** @janew

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

WAIT IS THAT REALLY SPIDEY???? WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **ms romanov pls kill me** @natforevs

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

WHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK

 

 **bucky** @jamesbarnes

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

n i c e

 

 **IronDad** @iamironman

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

Kid you better take that down I swear to god Pepper’s gonna kill you before I even get to

 

 **bucky** @jamesbarnes

_In reply to @iamironman_

not as nice oof, good luck pete

 

* * *

 

 

 **shuri** @wakandanprincess

_[attached: Two Images. Image one is a screenshot of Peter’s face from the tik tok, in which his features are most visible. Image two is a picture of Tiffany Pollard saying “BEYONCÉ?!”. However, beyoncé is blanked out and instead the text “SPIDER-MAN?!” is written] #SpideyFaceReveal_

**1.7M** likes **782.1k** retweets

 

 **whEN wIlL YoU LeaRN?!?!** @coochiecatcher69

_In reply to @wakandanprincess_

SKSHSJSISSJSJSJJSS

 

* * *

 

 **adri** @horsesindaback

okay but,, why is spidey (peter? we can call him that now, right?) h o t?? like wow.

 **8.6k** likes **4.7k** retweets

 

 **mj** @michellejones

_In reply to @horsesindaback_

back the FUCK up

 

 **Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_In reply to @horsesindaback_

he really is, isn’t he? too bad you’ll never get ‘im :)

 

* * *

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

tmw you log back on after being yelled at to see the two lights of ur life being jealous lil shits

 **1.3M** likes **637.3k** retweets

 

 **mj** @michellejones

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

<3

 

 **Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

<3

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds_

<333

 

* * *

 

 **The New York Times** @nytimes

Spider-Man reveals identity as teen in video, also hinting at being in a relationship with two other teens, Michelle Jones and Ned Leeds of MidTown High. Sources suggest Spider-Man may be Peter Parker, a student who has been seen with the hero’s partners. Avengers yet to comment.

_[attached: Two Images, one of Peter, Ned and MJ seemingly taken while they were entering school together. The other image the screenshot Shuri had posted of the TikTok.]_

**897k** likes **654k** retweets

 

 **IronDad** @iamironman

_In reply to @nytimes_

We’re not commenting bc there’s nothing to comment on. Pepper and I had a serious talk w him about it and despite how we would have preferred for him to wait until he was older, he knew the risks that came with revealing himself to the public and made that choice at his own will

 

 **IronDad** @iamironman

_In reply to @nytimes and @iamironman_

However, what I DO have a say in is whether or not those reporters who are taking pictures of Pete with his partners will be able to have any job in the journalism branch at all after this. Stalking and taking secretive pictures of minors isn’t a good look for your career.

 

 **????!!!!?** @iamcOnfuSiON

_In reply to @iamironman_

omg go off Tony!!!!!!

 

* * *

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

not to be like,,, Uncharacteristically Violent or anything but,,, if i ever catch any of u following me, ned n mj n takin creepy ass photos of us, i WILL web ur face n leave u to suffocate slowly xoxo

 **1.8M** likes **793k** retweets

 

 **country boy** @hawyee

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

We love a Protective King

 

 **ms maximoff pls** @steponmyneck

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

ugh yes pete threaten those Creeps

 

 **nat** @blackwidow

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

I’m so proud :’)

 

* * *

 

 **wanda** @scarletwitch

who the fuck taught vision to fortnite dance?!?!

 **783.9k** likes **542.3k** retweets

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @scarletwitch_

…

 

 **wanda** @scarletwitch

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

peter i swear to god—

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @scarletwitch_

Pietro helped too!

 

 **nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

Don’t drag me into this tf

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @pietromaximoff_

:P

 

 **wanda** @scarletwitch

_In reply to @SMOfficial and @pietromaximoff_

i am going to kill you both i stg


	4. Who Needs Chapter Titles??

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

wanda talks a lot of shit but her and vision are actually the sweetest most romantic couple ever it makes me want to throw up in my mouth

 **1.4M** likes **986.5k** retweets

 

 **wanda** @scarletwitch

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

you’re spreading lies. i’m gonna sue you for defamation of character

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @scarletwitch_

hm.

[ _attached: a photo taken of wanda and vision in the kitchen, they seem to be dancing, the picture having caught vision in the middle of twirling wanda. the picture is slightly blurry, suggesting the person holding the phone likely ran the moment they snapped the pic]_

 

* * *

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

aw :-(

_[attached: a screenshot of @scarletwitch ‘s account, the message “@scarletwitch blocked you. You are blocked from following @scarletwitch and viewing @scarletwitch’s tweets.”]_

**1.3M** likes **912.3k** retweets

 

 **celia** @ccjameson

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

LMAOOO is this for that pic you posted?

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @ccjameson_

yeah :-( i told her they’re really cute n everyone else thinks so! and she was all “hm. ok then :) xoxo” and then she blocked me anyway!! fake friend smh

 

 **celia** @ccjameson

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

it’s ok pete, you’re doing the Lord’s work by supplying us with Scarlet Vision content! what song were they dancing to in the pic?

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @ccjameson_

When a Man Loves a Woman by Percy Sledge <3 they’re such saps it’s adorable

 

 **celia** @ccjameson

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

oml they’re so cutteeee sksksksksjsjskks

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @ccjameson_

ikr skdjsksklsksksjsskdhgsshak

 

* * *

 **IronDad** @iamironman

@SMOfficial stop squealing over wanda and vision and go the fuck to bed it’s 3am on a school night jfc

 **2.9M** likes **1.7M** retweets

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @iamironman_

but they’re so cute :-( and ur not the boss of me >:(

 

 **Pepper Potts** @mspottsofficial

_In reply to @iamironman and @SMOfficial_

Go to bed, Peter.

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @mspottsofficial_

Yes Ma’am.

 

 **Irondad** @iamironman

_In reply to @mspottsofficial and @SMOfficial_

so you’ll listen to her but not me? betrayal.

 

* * *

 **Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

PETER WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING F U C K

 **102.2k** likes **65k** retweets

 

 **mj** @michellejones

_In reply to @nedleeds_

what did the dork do now

 

 **Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_In reply to @michellejones_

HE TORE HIS OWN ARM OFF

 

 **mj** @michellejones

_In reply to @nedleeds_

peter… what in the everloving Fuck? are u okay?! @SMOfficial

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @nedleeds and @michellejones_

in my defence,,, i got a paper cut n it Hurted

 

 **mj** @michellejones

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

that does NOT mean u should tear your arm off!!! peter what the hell?!

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds_

it doesn’t even hurt, i just Did It cuz my brain decided it would be the best way to go about it lol. it’ll grow back in like 5 mins ok bb pls calm down

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds_

and you too ned!! i’m sorry i didn’t tell you about it beforehand n you had to walk in on it. i should’ve told you both outright, i’m sorry. i love u both

 

 **mj** @michellejones

_In reply to @SMOfficial and @nedleeds_

i love the both of you two dorks too

 

 **Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_In reply to @michellejones and @SMOfficial_

Same <3

 

* * *

 **sammy** @cawcawboi

WAIT so not only does pete have the willpower to t e a r his own l i m b off— but he also regenerates?? why are we all just learning this now?

 **234k** likes **130k** retweets

 

 **Cap** @steverogers

_In reply to @cawcawboi_

in our defence, we also are just learning about the true extent of the kid’s powers

 

 **bucky** @jamesbarnes

_In reply to @steverogers_

i knew already

 

 **cli(n)t** @cbarton

_In reply to @steverogers and @jamesbarnes_

of course you would barnes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me Too Long to write but whatever. I get distracted wayyy too easily whoops


	5. thy lord proclaimed 'Yeet'

****

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

lol why bother w payin for blankets when u can just make ur own? say No to Capitalism. 

_ [attached: an image of peter in one of the top corners of his room, his webbing seemingly the only thing keeping his from falling down. the picture seems to be taken from someone else’s perspective, as it is looking up towards him from the floor. his eyes are visible and he seems to be smiling cheekily from how they’re crinkled at the edges.] _

**7.6M** likes **6.8M** retweets

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

uh picture credits hoe tf

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess _

shhhh ur supposed to be my Ghost Photographer

 

**papaya saraya** @whomstve

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess _

wait, shuri is hanging in peters room? are y’all having a sleepover or something lol?

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @whomstve _

yes.

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @whomstve _

yes. 

 

**jazzy** @yoweewowee

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess _

pics or it didn’t happen!!

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @yoweewowee _

:P

_ [attached: a selfie taken with both Peter and Shuri in frame. Peter is holding the camera, Shuri visible over his shoulder. They seem to be sitting on a floor, Peter crosslegged and Shuri with her feet underneath her. They’re both putting up peace signs and Shuri is sticking her tongue out. Peter has a cheeky grin.] _

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

Saved to the collection. 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @iamironman _

>:-/

 

* * *

 

**sandy** @woofwoofboi

oh my gosh i would actually die for peter and tony

**24.2k** likes  **13.2k** retweets

 

**actual strongest avenger** @drbanner

_ In reply to @woofwoofboi _

You’re still in the honeymoon phase in terms of their bond. Trust me, you’ll get sick of them soon enough. 

 

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

_ In reply to @drbanner _

i have no idea what it is you’re talking about in terms of honeymoons and Stark and Starkson but i agree!!!

 

**actual strongest avenger** @drbanner

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

xoxo

 

**not a goddess but should be** @valkyrie

_ In reply to @drbanner and @thorodinson _

for Odin’s sake, i leave for two moments and you’re both already being disgustingly mushy

 

**actual strongest avenger** @drbanner

_ In reply to @valkyrie _

Jealous?

 

**strongest avenger**  @thorodinson

_ In reply to @valkyrie _

:p

 

**not a goddess but should be** @valkyrie

_ In reply to @drbanner _

getting involved with you two was a mistake.

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

y’all still pro-’life’? in our good 20biteen?? Tragic.

**11.4M** likes  **7.9M** retweets

 

**sal** @nopixpls

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

Spider-man is pro-choice? Be still my beating heart.

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @nopixpls _

gotta yeetus that fetus 

 

**sal** @nopixpls

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

SKJDLDLDJLSKKSKSAKSJ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's kinda short cuz FUCK the russo brothers


	6. Adoption, Clout and God Cock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note that, despite the language used in this chapter and the title, petey is still like 16 or some shit and won’t be doing a n y naughty stuff cuz that’s Illegal and i’m a minor too and that’s just,,, y u c k. nope. not writing that. but ye, while the teens might talk about sexual stuff, they’re just teens being teens (which is basically: nsfw blabbing and incoherent screeching). just thought i’d give a heads up to anyone possibly worried! ^_^

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

.@captmarvel if i, let’s say, tricked you into signing adoption papers… would you be mad?

**4.6M** likes  **2.5M** retweets

 

**baddest (bi)tch** @captmarvel

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

you wouldn’t even need to trick me, give me those papers i’ll sign them willingly

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @captmarvel _

:-D   
  


* * *

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

highkey offended that peter didn’t ask ME to adopt him tbh

**896k** likes  **523k** retweets

 

**20/20** @vision

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

You still have him blocked tho

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @vision _

oh shit you right

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

wanda unblocked me!!! :-D

**2.1M** likes  **1.3M** retweets

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

only for that Internet Clout, don’t get too excited. you’re only as useful as your 25mil followers are 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

wait w h a t. since when did i have 25mil?!?!!!!??! not even mr stark has that many what the f u ck

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

yup, you’ve overtaken me by 3mil. good job

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @iamironman _

hhhhhhh ?!?!!!!??!????!

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

so we’re at 25mil which is Lit and honestly i don’t really care t o o much about it, but i’m thinking i could maybe do something to celebrate! i’ll get to thinking!!

**5.7M** likes  **3.2M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

hey @antman,,, cuz you can shrink really small,,, does that mean i could actually vore you??? 

**7.8M** likes  **5.6M** retweets

 

**scotty** @antman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

please stop asking me this i’m begging i’m honestly considering a restraining order at this point sTOP

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @antman _

I’m gonna munch… I’m gonna crunch…

 

* * *

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

lol my arm brushed against peter and he passed the FUCK out

**2.1M** likes  **1.3M** retweets

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

don’t like the cold. 

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes and @SMOfficial _

why am i never there to witness the Mess smh

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess _

cuz ur a responsible person responsibly taking care of your responsibilities 

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess _

ya

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

in case y’all have missed it, here’s my daily Thor Thirst: *clears throat* strong arms…,,, j a w…, chiselled... but also… pu p py… hhhrhrhhsh smile of an a nge l

 

**slater** @heathygal

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

aren’t you literally in a relationship? yikes. 

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @heathygal _

bold of u to assume we aren’t aware of his (really obvious) love for Thor

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @heathygal _

and even bolder of u to assume we don’t wholeheartedly support him in it

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @heathygal _

instead of assuming shit about peters relationship and being a snarky, pretentious little shit, how about you mind your own goddamn business?? 

 

* * *

 

**jen** @r0tten

okay but mj and ned immediately swooping in to defend peter’s honour is everything i ever needed and more <3 i love them. 

**34k** likes  **27.1k** retweets

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @r0tten _

we just want the best for our Useless Whiteboy

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @r0tten and @michellejones _

and in this case the best is that God Dick

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds _

oh my fucking god. 


	7. cancelled?? lol no. sleepovers?? yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a heads up the ‘f’ slur is used here on an occasion, but the context isn’t homophobic!! it’s just a character reclaiming the word :) just thought i’d mention it beforehand in case!!

**cap** @steverogers

i just realised barely any of the Avengers know anything about peter…

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @steverogers _

sorry. you must be at least level 8 family to unlock my tragic backstory

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

but Bucky and Tony know e v e r y t h i n g about you!!! 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @cbarton _

bucky and tony are level 11 and 12 family respectively they don’t count 

 

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

!! what about me? :-(

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

don’t worry ur on a completely different scale

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

ya, the fag scale

 

* * *

 

**freya** @hannyo

so are we not gonna talk about how bucky used a slur??? Cancelled. 

**32.1k** likes  **10.4k** retweets

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @hannyo _

have you never heard of reclaiming words??

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @hannyo _

me big gay

 

**freya** @hannyo

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

oh shit my bad my g

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

okay i know everything cooled down super quick but can i just say: Cancel Culture is pretty stupid :-/ u really out here tryna ‘cancel’ people before u even know what’s going on?? yikes

**4.2M** likes  **3.1M** retweets

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

maybe she snapped

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

the mom in mean girls was way more responsible of a parent than the movie tried to convince us she was

**3.2M** likes  **4.1M** retweets

 

**caw caw** @samwilson

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

you’re just full of Hot Takes today, aren’t you?

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

therapy: expensive, only effective in the long run, lame 

saying “it be like that sometimes”: free, immediately effective, makes u sound cool B)

**5.4M** likes  **4.7M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

mr rogers told me to tell you all that my last tweet was just a joke and if you’re suffering you should really go to a therapist and get the help you deserve

**4.2M** likes  **3.1M** retweets

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

someone got in trouble with stepdad

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @blackwidow _

literally shut up

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

wow Rude

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @blackwidow _

i’m sorry aunty nat :-(

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

you’re lucky you’re adorable

 

* * *

 

**baddest (bi)tch** @captmarvel

i’ve known peter for approximately 3 days but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone on this god forsaken planet and then myself

**3.2M** likes  **2.6M** retweets

 

**the wasp** @hopevandyne

_ In reply to @captmarvel _

big fuckin mood

 

* * *

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

The fact that peter has so many people that would kill for him makes me feel a lot less worried about him going on patrol tbh

**3.6M** likes  **3.1M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

best thing about accent: everything i say sounds like a threat if i make my voice deep enough

**1.2M** likes  **821.4k** retweets

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @pietromaximoff _

haha wow that’s cool. too bad i wouldn’t know because mY HEARING AIDS RAN OUT AND YOU STILL HAVENT GOTTEN ME THE BATTERIES I ASKED FOR

 

**nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @cbarton _

oh shit that’s why i left gotta bLAST

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

as of today i am officially accepting applicants for a replacement Dad. the requirements are:

  1. not tony stark
  2. that’s it that’s the requirements



**4.3M** likes  **3.2M** retweets

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

.@blackpanther apply now. 

 

**King T’Challa** @blackpanther

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess _

You don’t need to tell me, I am already sending for someone to email Peter

 

* * *

 

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

I wake up this morning and suddenly i have no son what the FUCK is going on 

**4.2M** likes  **2.3M** retweets

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @iamironman _

pete’s Angry at you cuz you put his fav pyjamas in the wash and they shrunk

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @iamironman and @jamesbarnes _

it’s okay he will be happier with us my brother’s application has been accepted

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess _

what do you mean with you

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @iamironman _

he will have whatever pjs he wants in wakanda. f o r e v e r   s l e e p o v e r

 

* * *

 

**celia** @cdisease

okay but highkey shuri and peter be cute as hell. “forever sleepover” my hEART

**24k** likes  **10.2k** retweets

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

last night on patrol i gave a drunk girl an elastic hair tie and she invited me to her wedding in january… kaylin, if ur reading this… i will be there i promise u

**7.3M** likes  **5.8M** retweets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yea clint is deaf ((ariana grande voice)) and what about it??


	8. maybe hetties deserve rights??

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

people out here in love and shit, huh?

_ [attached: a picture taken from behind a couch in Stark Tower, it looks to be Wanda and Vision sitting there, Vision in his human form. they’re watching Wall-E on the tv screen in front of them, Wanda’s head is resting on Vision’s shoulder and he has an arm wrapped around her] _

**6.7M** likes  **4.8M** retweets 

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

omg delete this i have a reputation to uphold

 

**20/20** @vision

_ In reply to @scarletwitch and @SMOfficial _

I think it’s a nice pic

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @vision _

… change of plans peter you can keep the pic up

  
  


* * *

 

**jen** @r0tten

attention all ScarletVision shippers: say “Thank you Spider-Man for the wonderful supply of content”

**14.5k** likes  **9.8k** retweets

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial 

_ In reply to @r0tten _

;-D

 

* * *

 

**serenity** @peacey

i love how bucky literally came out as gay and nobody even batted an eyelid

**65.7k** likes  **21.6k** retweets

 

* * *

 

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

still can’t believe Loki faked his death. 

**342k** likes  **175k** retweets

 

**moms favourite** @loki

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

omg you’re still whining about that? it’s been like a year

 

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

_ In reply to @loki _

tattoos are forever, loki!!! i have your name permanently on my frickin a r m

 

**moms favourite** @loki

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

that’s not my fault!

 

**20/20** @vision

_ In reply to @thorodinson and @loki _

…did thor just say frick??

 

**moms favourite** @loki

_ In reply to @vision _

i honestly think he physically cannot swear 

 

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

_ In reply to @vision and @loki _

lying again!! you never stop!! >:(

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

say fuck. 

 

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

…

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

thor makes me so soft… so good… the Best Person… 

**2.3M** likes  **1.5M** retweets

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

:/

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

:/

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds _

***ONE of the Best People. simply typo. i’m lov u

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

Better. 

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

:)

 

* * *

 

**Tomato Lasagna** @69imabigot69

the fuck is going on?? we have gays as superheroes now?? what a way to fucking ruin our line of defence. 

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @69imabigot69 _

there are literally interspecies relationships and aliens on our team and you’re worried about sexuality??? of all things??? yikes

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @cbarton and @69imabigot69 _

there is literally a Gamma Radiated Green Mutant shifting man in a relationship with a God and a Valkyrie

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton and @69imabigot69 _

i am literally almost a hundred years old and look like i’m twenty (dermatologists hate me)

 

**nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @cbarton and @69imabigot69  _

wanda’s dating a toaster. 

 

**20/20** @vision

_ In reply to @pietromaximoff _

ya

 

* * *

 

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

i just drank 4 bottles of vodka straight

**562k** likes  **436k** retweets

 

**not a goddess but should be** @valkyrie

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

nice. 

 

**actual strongest avenger** @drbanner

_ In reply to @thorodinson and @valkyrie _

NOT ‘nice’! For fucks sake, we’ve talked about impulse control already

 

 **strongest avenger**  @thorodinson

_In reply to @drbanner_

but... tastes good...

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

2 shots of vodka

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

hi! my name is peter b parker :) the b stands for Biggest Fucking Dumbass

**1.3M** likes  **1M** retweet

 

**ms maximoff pls** @steponmyneck

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

i mean Big Mood but what happened??

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @steponmyneck _

was walking around and staring at my phone in the living room. mr stark came in. 

 

**ms maximoff pls** @steponmyneck

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

??? what’s dumb about that?

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @steponmyneck _

apparently i thought the fucking ceiling was the floor. i has been walking on the ceiling for 20 minutes. mr stark scared me and i fell and hurt my leg >:-|

 

**gerard** @notawayshush

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

!! are you okay??!

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @notawayshush _

ya i’m fine now lol. currently half-Legless but everything will be back to normal shortly

 

* * *

 

**seven** @ringswasntthatgood

what the fuck why is spider-man missing a leg rn???!!! what?!!?!?

**21.4k** likes  **18.9k** retweets

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @ringswasntthatgood _

you must be new here huh. 

 

* * *

 

**20/20** @vision

good lord help me

**143k** likes  **89.7k** retweets

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @vision _

what’s wrong bb

 

**20/20** @vision

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

you look too lovely today, that shouldn’t be allowed

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

for anyone wondering, wanda face planted into the kitchen table after reading vision’s compliment. love that for her

 

* * *

 

**jen** @r0tten

the avengers really said ScarletVision rights huh

**54k** likes  **37k** retweets

 

**nat could get it** @anydayoftheweek

_ In reply to @r0tten _

i’m not saying ScarletVision is adorable but,,, MAYBE straights deserve rights…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thor has the Rip Loki tat on his arm that Taika wanted to give him in ragnarok because i'm not a FUCKING coward like the russos are
> 
> BY THE WAY. if anyone’s wondering why aunt may isn’t in the picture here,,, peter and co decided it would be safer if they erased any public ties of their relation to each other, in order to protect her from Villains. peter now lives in Stark Tower with the rest of the avengers and aunt may is currently travelling the world and living her Best Life in 5 star country homes because its What She Deserves B-) they facetime n text tho so— no worries


	9. feasting and yee haws

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones kinda short cuz i mainly just wanted to get some of that Content out there, no matter how crappy. it's 2k19 and Rubbish, Rushed Content is IN sis B)

**New York Post** @NYPost

If spiders worked together, they could eat all of humankind within a year 

**1.3M** likes  **2.6M** retweets

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @NYPost _

@SMOfficial look

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @NYPost and @blackwidow _

and i oop—

 

* * *

 

**caw caw** @samwilson

ever since that goddamn news article i’ve caught peter and nat staring at me hungrily multiple times… if i stop posting assume i’ve been vored

**452.1k** likes  **313k** retweets

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @samwilson _

hey karen, how edible are falcons?

 

**Karen** @SpideyAI

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

Falcons are a protected species in America. While they are edible, it would be unwise to eat them as you would be breaking the law. 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @SpideyAI _

i am the law, karen

 

**caw caw** @samwilson

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

1) no you most certainly are NOT and 2) you actually made your AI a twitter??

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @samwilson _

_ [attached: a picture of kim kardashian, subtitles on the bottom of the picture saying “it’s what she deserves”] _

 

* * *

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

officially disowning one (1) pietro maximoff. i can’t believe this. unbelievable.

**452.1k** likes  **213k** retweets

 

**nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

omg you’re actually so dramatic 

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @pietromaximoff _

i am reacting in a perfectly reasonable way you fucking Sega ripoff 

 

**nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

it really IS NOT as big a deal as you’re making it out to be

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @pietromaximoff _

you’ve been collecting pokemon cards for like 2 years, KNOWING how much i fucking love them!! those were MY thing!!! 

 

**nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

oh i’m sorry, i didn’t realise you OWNED NINTENDO NOW. STOP GATEKEEPING U MELODRAMATIC WHORE

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @scarletwitch and @pietromaximoff _

i live for the drama omg

 

* * *

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

The amount of messages I get pertaining to Peter is unbelievable. You’re all Whipped for my son and idk how i feel about it

**3.7M** likes  **1.3M** retweets

 

**sesame** @streetgang

_ In reply to @iamironman _

everytime tony calls peter his son i feel my heart clench and i’m reminded that there are people with dads who love them :’)

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @streetgang _

who’d’ve thought all it would take would be to lose two other father figures in my life lol

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @streetgang _

3rd time’s the charm.

 

* * *

 

**Cap** @steverogers

Went and did a talk at an elementary school today. Took questions, expecting to get stuff like ‘what was it like in ___’ like usual. Instead, got an 8 y/o that asked “what was it like living in black and white?”

**6.2M** likes  **3.2M** retweets

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @steverogers _

i’m sorry for your scalp

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ [attached: a video shot by peter in the living room of Stark Tower. the room is dark and the only light source is the tv. shuri is in frame, along with the screen. the tv is playing Dr Phil and Shuri is very over-exaggeratedly screaming and cheering as Dr Phil takes his suit jacket off. the camera is slightly shaking, as peter is laughing behind it. the video cuts off mid-scream.] _

**4.3M** likes  **2.1M** retweets

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

sometimes i wish i understood what the fuck you two are doing but tbh i think it’s best if i don’t.

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @iamironman _

tbh. i mean,, look what they did to bucky.

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton _

drink your yee-yee juice and keep me OFF your timeline u plucked ostrich

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick question: should i maybe add in segments or even chapters of ACTUAL writing?? like,,, rather than JUST twitter, you'd have actual written scenarios of the Fam being a Mess?? idk, i started this fic literally because i was scared to actually make a REAL story with plot and i feel just writing a bunch of semi-crack segments would possibly help not only make me feel more comfortable with writing the characters and developing/practicing their 'voices' but also it would just be fun lol. idk, i made it sound like it was way more serious than it actually is lol, it's not that deep dw. just lmk if y'all would be Interested in that!  
> (The first scene I'd write would PROBABLY be Kaylin's wedding tbh)


	10. “PR Work” my ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda trash but i felt bad about going so long without an update lol

“You move like a slap bracelet.”

 

Peter looked away from the screen of the tv, spoon still stuck in his mouth. The look of confusion was evident though, as his brows furrowed. He hummed inquisitively, only barely able to be heard over the tv.

 

Shuri heard just fine though, and simply nodded matter-of-factly, confident in her conclusion. She was a very confident girl and Peter loved that, but it didn’t help Peter understand what in the everloving  _ fuck  _ she was talking about right now.

 

He removed the spoon from his mouth, putting it back into the tub of Ben and Jerry’s until after he found out why Shuri had come to the conclusion about him that she had. He turned around slightly, positioning his body to face hers on the other side of the couch, slightly hindered by all of the blankets surrounding him. She met his gaze head on, face perfectly stoic and serious. He hoped his mirrored hers but he knew it probably didn’t.

 

“Shuri…” He started off “what the  _ fuck _ are you talking about?”

 

Shuri looked at him like he was dumb. 

 

_ Maybe he was. _ He reasoned.

 

“I saw you hugging Ned and MJ goodbye earlier. When they hugged you, your arms snapped up to their sides, like a slap bracelet.”

“... Maybe so.”

 

With that, they turned back to the tv, watching in companionable silence once again. Peter was now halfway done with his pint of ice cream. It melted a bit during their conversation but it still tasted good. At least he didn’t have to hack away at it now.

 

“Hey, Shuri?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Remember when your brother got Approved to be my new dad and you said we could have a forever sleepover?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“... That could still happen… If I ever needed it, right?”

 

“Duh.”

 

“Nice.”

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

no offence but,,,, the Avengers… aren’t that Smart. 

**2.3M** likes  **1.7M** retweets

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

we all share one singular brain cell and most of the time it’s with nat

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @jamesbarnes _

ya

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

one week B)

_ [ attached: a picture of a piece of paper on a glass table. the paper has the words “kaylin and chris’s wedding 24/01/19” written messily in black ink. there also seems to be an address to the venue and a time but they have blurred out. ] _

**3.7M** likes  **2.7M** retweets

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

so you actually weren’t just making it up for clout wow

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

is there a plus one

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @jamesbarnes _

plus two**

 

* * *

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

sick and TIRED of y’all using me as an extension of steve. i ain’t his babysitter and he isn’t the one single good thing in my life! fuck y’all who think i’m just “captain america’s friend”. i’m bucky fucking barnes, bitch!!!!!!

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

omg yes go off!!!

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

i think i may be in love with you

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton _

as you should be. 

  
  


* * *

 

To say Peter didn’t like suits would be an understatement, but he was a respectable young man and therefore would wear the appropriate clothing that best fit the dress code for the event he was attending. 

 

That event being a wedding, of course. Kaylin’s wedding to be precise. Peter did not back out on promises, especially pinkie promises. Aunt May told him when he was five that if you backed out of a pinkie promise then your pinkie would be chopped off. 

 

Granted, Peter would be able to regrow it in around 20 minutes, and he’s handled worse cases of mutilation, but still. He’d feel like a right asshole. 

 

Shuri and Bucky had made good of their own promises, both having gotten dressed up as well. After they had both expressed a want to attend, Peter had dm’ed Kaylin and asked for permission. She, like any other human being, was extremely excited by the prospect of two more superheroes showing up to her wedding to eat food and dance. 

 

“I call dibs on the bouquet,” Peter murmured, as the reception began. Shuri snorted in reply. 

 

“You are as big as my pinkie finger, I highly doubt you’ll be able to catch it.”

 

“I can put him on my shoulders,” Bucky piped up, noting the -maybe  _ slightly _ exaggerated- crestfallen look on Peter’s face. Peter looked thoughtful for a moment.

 

“I could just yeet everyone out of my way…” He trailed off, obviously thinking of multiple scenarios. “Or just yoink the bouquet with my webs.”

 

“Silly String.”

 

“Fuck off.” Peter snapped noncommittally, eyes moving away from Shuri towards Kaylin, the bride, who was making her way over to them. She took a few moments longer than others would, as she had to manoeuvre her dress so as not to let it get stepped on by the many people mingling around. 

 

The minute she reached them, she gave Peter a tight hug, which Peter returned. She only had a fuzzy memory of the night she invited him, seeing as she had been absolutely smashed, but when Spider-Man dm’s you saying he’s coming to your wedding, you don’t ask questions. You must accept the gifts God gives you, especially if they’re in the form of a teenage boy with a heart bigger than his body and tendency to amputate himself in his spare time. 

 

Shuri and Bucky also got hugs, Kaylin jumping slightly as Bucky’s arm made contact with her exposed shoulders, it was very cold.

 

“You have no idea how glad I am that you made it!” Kaylin practically beamed, and Peter felt his face heat up. He wasn’t very good with these kinds of social situations, but luckily he managed to scrape by anyways. 

 

“I’m glad to be here,” He grinned, albeit slightly awkwardly - Kaylin didn’t seem to notice so it was fine, really -, Shuri and Bucky backing him up with noises of agreement. 

 

“It’s a pleasure to be able to witness and share you and your husband’s special day,” Bucky smiled, very clearly well-versed in stuff like this. All the charity work must have been excellent practice. 

 

“What type of cake do you have?” Shuri bluntly asked, completely ruining the mood. Peter turned to nudge her, to tell her she can’t say that, but Kaylin took it in stride, having that starstruck look in her eyes so many people tend to have around them. 

 

“Well, each layer’s different!” She laughed and her and Shuri left to go to said cake, Kaylin telling her the flavours and what not. Shuri just wanted cake, Peter couldn’t really fault her for it to be honest, it looked good. 

 

With Kaylin and Shuri gone, Bucky and Peter busied themselves with talking to the others at the wedding, everyone eager to have the chance to talk to and get pictures with the two Avengers. 

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

i told nick this was PR work but it wasn’t :p

_ [attached: a selfie of Peter and Kaylin at the wedding reception. Kaylin has changed from her wedding dress to a shorter white dress, the lighting suggests it may have been so she could dance better to the music playing. There are people behind them dancing and chatting. Both of them are smiling.] _

**8.9M** likes  **7.8M** retweets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kaylin,,,, i lov u,,,, u were only meant to be a one off side character but,,, i would die for u,,,,
> 
> also i just realised this work almost has 10k views holy shit that was f a s t.   
> *pewdiepie voice* can we hit 10K VIEWS 😎


	11. defend thy frozen metal friend until death befalls thee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is Hella Short cuz once again,,, just wanna get some content out lol. sexual abuse/grooming is mentioned here, but it isn’t explicit. just wanted to forewarn y’all. (this isn’t an angst warning tho, so take that how you will)

**parker stan #1** @spiderhoe

not to be a buzzkill, but does anyone else find it weird that bucky is hanging out so much with peter?? a literal minor??

**1.2k** likes  **653** retweets

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @spiderhoe _

i pretty much threw up in my mouth at what you’re hinting at in this tweet so i hope that answers whatever fucked up shit you’re wondering 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @spiderhoe _

are you actually fucking serious. i can’t be friends with someone just because they’re older and as a result their intentions MUST not be “uwu pure and nice”? NEWS FLASH: you don’t know nearly as much as you think and you are in no position to throw around accusations like this.

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @spiderhoe _

i can be friends with whoever i want, no matter their age. just because they’re older does not mean they are inherently predatory for being my friend. bucky won’t even entertain the idea of talking about nsfw stuff with me, so that should give you a good idea of his intentions. 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @spiderhoe _

shuri, bucky and i all bonded over the fact we’re all queer and have been best friends since, that’s literally all there is to our relationship. we’re a bunch of stupid gays just goofing around. 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @spiderhoe _

and honestly? as someone who IS LITERALLY A SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVOR it’s pretty insulting for you to insinuate that someone who i literally trust with my life is ANYTHING like the monster who hurt me. f u c k   o f f.

 

* * *

 

**Cap** @steverogers

i’ve helped raise an icon 

_ [attached: screenshots of peter’s tweets responding to @spiderhoe.] _

**2.4M** likes  **3.7M** retweets

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @steverogers _

_ [attached: a picture of someone crying and surrounded by heart emojis] _

 

* * *

 

**joslyn** @roslynivory

i love how peter just manages to bring out the Softness of the avengers. quite Iconic. 

**231k** likes  **198.9k** retweets

 

**bonbon** @freddiebear

_ In reply to @roslynivory _

he also manages to bring out the Relatability. i no longer see superheroes as Higher than humans by default. they’re trash fires like the rest of us. 

 

**joslyn** @roslynivory

_ In reply to @freddiebear _

amen sisss

 

* * *

 

**josie** @sunnywinters

god i will never get tired of peter SNAPPING and defending his friends it really makes me go uwu

**24k** likes  **16.3k** retweets

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @sunnywinters _

same tbh

 

* * *

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

auditioned for the main role in life and ended up with the second role but you can bet i’m still the fan favourite babie!!!

**3.6M** likes  **2.1M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**the wasp** @hopevandyne

first time i met peter he showed me the bee movie because “miss van dyne, it’s you!!”. i’ve sworn an oath to protect him with my life ever since. 

**781k** likes  **541k** retweets

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @hopevandyne _

join the fuckin club

 

**nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @hopevandyne and @scarletwitch _

sensing a lot of jealousy ooooo

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch 

_ In reply to @pietromaximoff _

MY boy :(

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @scarletwitch and @hopevandyne _

im lov the both of u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only added in peter’s past with Skipp cuz i don’t wanna be a coward like Marvel and pretend it never happened. it won’t be a main part of the story, but i wanted to basically let y’all know more about what this peter has been through and overcame to be the Dork that he is lol. planning to have SOME light shed on it tho later on because it’s just unrealistic that peter could come out and say this without the internet saying anything.
> 
> also i HighKey got way too into it when peter was Going Off whoopsie


	12. Thirsting, Wendy’s and God

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this in one sitting while listening to Classic Emo Bops because i still haven’t left my emo phase and that’s okay.
> 
> didn’t read through it once, so there might be spelling errors or something but i don’t care lol
> 
> also, people who bookmark this work and leave cute little things in the tags or notes... i love you and i would die for you

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

oh my god this is actually the day i die

**2.9M** likes  **1.7M** retweets

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

lol what happened this time

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

thor,,,, h e …,. He…

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @jamesbarnes _

bitch fuckin spit it out

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess _

shirtle ss..,, hhhh ches st. abs,,,,... aRM S 

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

i’m fuckifn dyi ng skSKSJSKKSKS

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

… my son is a Disaster

 

**Cap** @steverogers

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman _

He takes after you 

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @steverogers _

you shut your FUCKING mouth

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

y’all remember when you were in middle school and you’d read like an entire book in one evening? i miss that.

**4.8M** likes  **3.1M** retweets

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

ned bought me a book he thought i’d like. i’ve been reading for a week and i’m on chapter 2. 

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

ugh mood

 

* * *

 

**Sharon S.** @sharonseffinfield

Anyone else find it kind of unprofessional for SpiderMan to be using his official twitter handle the way he does?

**1.8k** likes  **643** retweets

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @sharonseffinfield _

i’m literally a superhuman who helps save the world i can do whatever i want with my twitter sharon

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

so many people always asking me “how can i save the world like you?” the answer: pick up trash… clean your local beach… stop supporting major companies who do nothing to stop or reduce the negative impact they have on the earth… be a Good Person and save the goddamn earth

**10.8M** likes  **8.9M** retweets

 

**supernerd** @3picgam3r69

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

your dad is literally tony stark

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @3picgam3r69 _

and he’s the #1 billionaire in the world fighting against climate change and creating technology to reduce the effects of global warming. what’s your point.

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @3picgam3r69 and @SMOfficial _

lol i think he thought he had an argument

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @nedleeds _

tragic. 

 

* * *

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

we’re all literally highly trained assassins/special agents/mutants yet we got fans that act like we’re the jonas brothers 

**786k** likes  **601k** retweets

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @cbarton _

kind of iconic if you ask me

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

it has been 2 days since i last saw my bf n gf irl so, as expected, i will be jumping out of the highest window of stark tower :)

**2.6M** likes  **1.8M** retweets

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

i miss them :-(

 

**Cap** @steverogers

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

Why not invite them over for dinner tomorrow?

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @steverogers _

ew no you and mr.stark will be Gross and In Love at the dinner table in front of them 

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

i’m actually in shock from the Disrespect. wow. 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @iamironman _

pls don’t ground me i’m sorry

 

* * *

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

lol peters been grounded by the SuperDads if any of y’all were wondering. 

**876k** likes  **431k** retweets

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

shuri’ll probably sneak in somehow and keep him company, he’ll be fine

 

* * *

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

brb bouta fight God in a wendy’s parking lot

**1.9M** likes  **782k** retweets

 

**Wendy’s** @Wendys

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

which restaurant? we’ll provide refreshments x

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @Wendys _

this is the best day of my life wendy’s just noticed me

 

* * *

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

bucky got noticed by wendy’s without needing to even @ them and i can’t even get a text back 

**569k** likes  **419k** retweets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit i forgot to Promo my tumblr lol.
> 
> my main tumblr is destroyed-conscience come scream at me about whatever if you want to 😌


	13. Flowers and Thongs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry for taking so long :( and this chapter is so short it’s hardly worth the wait ;-; but i’ve been Very Depressed lately so it’s been hard to do anything rip. forgive me pls.

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

sure i wear a thong in my spidey suit, but not for the reasons y’all think. i just like to feel good in myself lol

 **4.9M** likes **3.2M** retweets

 

 **mj** @michellejones

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

nice. 

 

 **Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

nice. 

 

* * *

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

met a dude called quentin beck while on patrol. nice guy, he gave me his ice lolly as a thank you for saving him ^-^

_[attached: a selfie of peter, still suited but without his mask, and quentin. peter’s holding an ice lolly in the hand not holding the phone.]_

**3.8M** likes **2.1M** retweets

 

 **IronDad** @iamironman

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

is that— you know what, nvm

 

 **cap** @steverogers

_In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman_

better to just let him do his thing, love. 

 

* * *

 

 **ready to sink** @withmyship

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEE

_[attached: two screenshots. first is a screenshot of tony and steve’s previous interaction. second is a zoom in on steve’s reply, specifically the word “love”]_

**121k** likes **54.8k** retweets

 

* * *

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

people really be fangirling over my Father and his bf. blech old people in love makes me barf. like go take a nap grandpa smh

 **2.9M** likes **2.1M** retweets

 

 **bucky** @jamesbarnes

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

you literally have an intense crush on an ancient god lol

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @jamesbarnes_

*ariana grande accent* and what about it

 

* * *

 

 **bucky** @jamesbarnes

clint: i have aids. 

me: *having an aneurysm* w h a t

clint: *opens hand to reveal hearing aids*

 **3.2M** likes **2.1M** retweets

 

 **cli(n)t** @cbarton

_In reply to @jamesbarnes_

you should see me rn i’m fingergunning you so hard

 

 **bucky** @jamesbarnes

_In reply to @cbarton_

i wish i was still brainwashed. 

 

* * *

 

 **wanda** @scarletwitch

peter why do you bother with the mask when we all know who u are now

 **2.7M** likes **1.9M** retweets

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @scarletwitch_

cuz it makes me feel cool B)

 

 **wanda** @scarletwitch

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

that’s fair

 

* * *

 

Natasha didn’t expect for the book she wanted to read in the living room bookshelf to be full of pressed flowers but that was what God intended for her apparently. 

 

She watched as they slid out from the pages onto the ground at her feet, face stoic. While at first slight confusing, it really wasn’t the strangest thing to happen while living in Stark Tower. It just seemed slightly out of place for an array of - quite expertly colour-coordinated, to be honest - flowers to be residing in _Naked Lunch_ of all books. 

 

“Who in the actual fuck is making an aesthetic project in the pages of my book?” She called out, eyes still focused on the pile of flowers scattered across the floor. She looked up at the sound of a loud - kind of dramatic - gasp, seeing Peter standing in the doorway and also staring at the flowers. 

 

Time seemed to halt for all of two seconds, before Peter helped out a quiet, dismayed “No!” and rushed forward, crouching down to delicately begin picking up the flowers. Natasha watched for a few moments, stepping back half a step to give him space to pick up his belongings. 

 

“I take it these are yours, then?” She mused, to which Peter hummed, standing up now having collected them all. He had pulled the bottom of his shirt away from his body, making somewhat of a pouch to place and hold the flowers when he realised there wasn’t enough room in his hands to hold them without crushing them. He looked back up at the redhead, eyes and expression suddenly very serious. 

 

“Yes.” He stated “And I put a lot of effort into getting them, so I didn’t want them to just waste away and die, so I killed them anyways but preserved their corpses.”

 

Natasha nodded in understanding “Ah.”

 

“I’m gonna go put these in one of my own books, sorry for putting them in yours, it was just the first one I grabbed. Enjoy your reading!”

 

“Bye Pete, have fun with your corpses.”

 

* * *

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

hmmnnnnggg coo k ie gruuhghrkll

 **4.8M** likes **2.1M** retweets

 

 **shuri** @wakandanprincess

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

are you seriously hungry at 4:30am. reevaluate your Everything 

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @wakandanprincess_

my healing factor makes me burn through calories faster oKAY LEAVE ME ALONE HOE

 

 **shuri** @wakandanprincess

_In reply to @SMOfficial_

i’M ENTITLED TO MY OPINION YOU LITERAL DISASTER

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @wakandanprincess_

YOURE ALSO ENTITLED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

 **bucky** @jamesbarnes

_In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess_

can y’all stop screaming omg you’re so loud. ur literally more annoying than clint rn

 

 **cli(n)t** @cbarton

_In reply to @jamesbarnes_

ouch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea if deaf peeps can remove their hearing aids i looked it up and didn’t get a specific answer but i think they might?? idk if you’re deaf pls correct me if i’m wrong!!!
> 
> those flowers were the ones from kaylins bouquet! pete caught it after all :)
> 
> also i literally looked up dark books online before finding “Naked Lunch” and i have hardly a clue what exactly it’s about lol i only read the summary on the wikipedia and it seemed Dark af so i was like,,, yes,,, natasha would read this (if only as a Cope/Vent read or smth). apparently there’s some pedophilia in it tho so pls be careful if you decide to like look it up or anything!! stay safe pls


	14. WHAT?! you’ve never played tuber simulator?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of cuteness in this chapter *nod nod* i needed it to be honest, so this is a bit more self-indulgent than the other chapters (if that’s even possible lol) i wrote most of this in one sitting literally just now, i haven’t slept in like 17 hours or smth so forgive me for spelling errors i can’t be fucking bothered to correct them lol

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

sometimes you just gotta stare at a wall for 20 solid minutes to truly Understand why people are Awful. 

**4.8M** likes  **2.3M** retweets

 

**weronika** @twovees

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

are you okay??

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @twovees _

haha. no. 

 

* * *

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

before anyone takes this peter situation too far, he was angry that clint burned down his minecraft house pls calm down

**1.8M** likes  **1M** retweets

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

wow clint is the fucking Worst

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

bucky please

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton  _

ur username sure is fitting considering you’re an absolute TWAT smh

 

**Cap** @steverogers

_ In reply to @cbarton and @jamesbarnes _

BUCKY

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

i’m okay now. shuri helped me rebuild it n me, her, mj and ned all spent hours on video call :) i love my friends <3

**3.9M** likes  **2.1M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**PewDiePie** @pewdiepie

.@SMOfficial heard you like minecraft. 

**2.9M** likes  **2.3M** retweets

 

**jen** @r0tten

_ In reply to @pewdiepie _

is it,,,, OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING ISNT IT

 

**WATER** @MELONBOI

_ In reply to @pewdiepie _

THE FUCKING CROSSOVER OF THE CENTURY

 

**dark** @StarryNitE

_ In reply to @pewdiepie _

oh god please let this actually be happening. i’m begging. 

 

* * *

 

Tony sat at the kitchen island, mug of coffee in one hand, the other scrolling on the tablet in front of him, reading up on the news of what was happening. Steve was busy fixing up breakfast for those already awake in the tower. 

 

He glanced up at the blond, who’s back was currently to him, and couldn’t stop the fond grin as he completely focused on his task. He didn’t expect to ever be able to claim that a literal super-soldier had a passion for cooking, but here they were. 

 

It was quiet, something he knew Pepper was grateful for, the woman not sitting at the island, preferring the actual table situated just slightly further across the kitchen. 

 

Well, it  _ was  _ quiet. 

 

Until a loud screech came from Peter’s room, loud enough to travel downstairs. Everyone currently awake immediately stiffened, perking up to see if what happened warranted them kicking some criminal ass to protect the best boy. They were able to relax though, as Peter followed his scream with an equally loud sentence. 

 

“PEWDIEPIE JUST FUCKING @‘D ME!”

 

* * *

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

did i ever tell y’all that steve is a great cook? cuz he’s a  g r e a t cook. wow. 

**1.9M** likes  **981k** retweets

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

did he cook you up a love life

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton _

idk did he cook u up a personality that’s actually likeable 

 

* * *

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

he wasn’t supposed to reply that way :/

[ _ attached: a screenshot of the earlier conversation _ ]

**872k** likes  **634.1k** retweets

 

**joey** @jonas

_ In reply to @cbarton _

what was he supposed to say?

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @jonas _

i had it all planned out! he was supposed to say ‘no’ and then i’d say ‘well would u like one ;)’ and then we’d live happily ever after

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton _

i wish you would jump off a cliff on a far off planet several galaxies away

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes and @cbarton _

why did i get deja vu reading bucky’s tweet? for real made me shiver

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

what if,,,, the world,,, spun,,,,

**3.9M** likes  **2.1M** retweets

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

it does. 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @michellejones _

wait really

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @michellejones _

sure does pete

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @nedleeds _

whoa

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds _

you’re both so smart i love u more than anything in this world. more than like,,, thor’s biceps, even

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

damn, that’s a lot. 

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

we love you too, petey. but are you okay lol

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @nedleeds _

i haven’t slept in like 31 hours i can smell colours. 

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

jesus christ ok we’re coming

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @michellejones _

we’ll have a nap date!

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds _

god blue smells so fucking good no cap (NOT talking about captain america. i never want to have no him. he’s too nice)

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

i just slept for 14 hours but it’s okay cuz mj n ned are here <3

**3.2M** likes  **2.9M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

sometimes i forget that carol danvers is legally my mom lol jk i would NEVER forget that. it fills me with glee every second of the day

**4.7M** likes  **3.2M** retweets

 

**frEE** @oatmeal

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

wait the adoption paper thing wasn’t a joke??

 

**baddest (bi)tch** @captmarvel

_ In reply to @oatmeal _

duh

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @oatmeal _

it wasn’t!! shes the BEST <3

 

**baddest (bi)tch** @captmarvel

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

i love my son 

 

* * *

 

**cap** @steverogers

hey @iamironman i love you. 

**7.8M** likes  **4.2M** retweets

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @steverogers _

i love you too you nerd

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

i’m not sure whether my dad’s are cute or gross and at this point i’m too afraid to ask myself

**4.7M** likes  **3.2M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

pietro stop stealing the fucking poptarts challenge 

**3.2M** likes  **2.1M** retweets

 

**nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

but they taste good 

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @pietromaximoff _

exactly why you stop fucking stealing them. i want some you bitch  
  


* * *

 

**Baby to: Darling**

 

**Baby:** i can go out and get some more if you want some

 

**Darling:** god i fucking adore you. pls do, and don’t let pietro anywhere near them pls

 

**Baby:** noted <3 you want strawberry, as per usual, i’m assuming?

 

**Darling:** yes please, but it’s okay if they don’t have those ones, any are fine really 

 

**Baby:** i’ll see what i can do xx

 

**Darling:** be safe xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes pewdiepie existed in this universe okay what about it i just really fuCKING love minecraft okay 😔 also ScarletVision really makes me go uwu if you couldn’t tell


	15. coffee, threats of murder, book clubs and stonks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took so long not because of the length (which is not very impressive lbr) but because i am Sick and also questioning my talents and self worth so thats the Tea rn. i hope you enjoy this chapter anyways! i made an effort to involve more people other than those i usually do but i'm not sure if i did a good job at that ksjfkskjsskjkds
> 
> also, PSA due to recent stuff (not angry or anything,, just want yall to know): please dont give me criticism on this fic, whether you think you're being helpful or not, this fic is meant to just be something fun for me to do in this fandom, i'm not concerned with whether my facts are right, or if i misspelled something, or anything like that. i just wanna have a good time and it's made kinda difficult to do that when there's comments pointing out things i've done wrong. pls do not do that, thank you!!! xoxo

****

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

oh my god i just realised something

**1.9M** likes  **976k** retweets

**summer** @suplex

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

what’s that?

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @suplex _

i’m clint’s sam,,, n clint is my bucky,,,

**mr loki pls** @stabmethnx

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

sksksjsksk hows that work then

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @stabmethnx _

i annoy sam,, clint annoys me,,, sam hates me,,, i hate clint,,,

**mr loki pls** @stabmethnx

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

but sam doesn’t HATE hate you tho

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @stabmethnx _

that’s the only difference

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

yknow you sure do talk about me a lot for someone who hates me 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton _

actually choke

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

i’m not gonna stop you from doing that, don’t use the metal arm tho. that’s too cold. i’d prefer the skin on skin action ;P

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton _

i will steal your urinary tract

* * *

**IronDad** @iamironman

if one more person forgets to refill the coffee machine,,, i will actually nuke the tower while i’m still in it

**3.2M** likes  **2.7M** retweets

* * *

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

my life is a found family fanfiction with a dab of romance and a splash of coming of age

**2.7M** likes  **2.4M** retweets

* * *

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

where’s loki i miss loki it’s been like 5 days without seeing him WHERE IS HE

**4.6M** likes  **3.2M** retweets

**moms favourite** @loki

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

it’s safe to say i have never felt more appreciated by someone

**SpiderKid** @SMOffical

_ In reply to @loki _

<33

**mr rogers love me challenge** @capstan

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @loki _

this might be the cutest shit i’ve ever seen

* * *

**hilary** @duffisanicon

okay but like,,, honestly peter is so sweet and wonderful? what did we do to deserve such a blessing in our lives??

**8.6k** likes  **4.2k** retweets

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @duffisanicon _

sksjsjsksksk this is the sweetest thing ever!!!!!!!! thank you so so so much!!!!!! UGH ur iconic!!!! <3 <3

* * *

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

can’t believe i’m confused again. unbelievable. will be contacting my lawyer immediately. 

**2.9M** likes  **1.9M** retweets

**actual strongest avenger** @drbanner

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

you’ve been spending time with peter again haven’t you

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

_ In reply to @drbanner _

yes!!! he’s very funny and sweet :)

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @thorodinson and @drbannee _

*guttural, scratchy screams, like those of a velociraptor*

* * *

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

me: want to see a magic trick? 

kid: yea!

me: *removes arm*

kid: *cries*

**3.5M** likes  **2.8M** retweets

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

ungrateful little bitch

**cap** @steverogers

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes  _

bucky no—

* * *

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

water tastes so fucking good,,, need m ore

**2.1M** likes  **1.8M** reblogs

**winona** @missplease

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

spidey is HydroHomie conformed

**reminding you to drink water** @drinkwaterslut

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @missplease _

an unexpected Ally, but a welcome one

* * *

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

:) Happy 25mil followers (well, 37mil now but u get the point)

_ [attached: a link to a youtube video, uploaded by PewDiePie. the title is ‘I Found SPIDER-MAN In Minecraft?! (Not Fake)’. the thumbnail has a picture of Peter laughing, headset on and seeming to be sitting on a PewDiePie gaming chair, as the headrest is slightly in view, on the left, with Felix looking shocked with wide eyes and an open mouth on the right side. the pictures are masked over an image of a minecraft creation, a replica of Ikea Tower, but Spider-Man themed, with red, blue and black rather than cobblestone and Swedish.] _

**10.8M** likes  **8.6M** retweets

**jen** @r0tten

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

AAAASHAJAKSHAHKKLALAKALAL

**josh loves the avengers** @joshtop

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

IT HAPPENED OH MY GOD 

* * *

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

we all praise tony for being my Dad… but what about clint :( he is father to Two superpowered orphans, rather than just one. appreciate him >:-(

**7.1M** likes  **4.6M** retweets

**nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

.@cbarton love u dad

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @pietromaximoff _

ya

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @SMOfficial, @pietromaximoff and @scarletwitch _

:)

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

… okay maybe he deserves some praise for that,,, wanda and pietro are pretty Iconic

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

!!!!!! :D

* * *

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

this is the best day of my life

_ [attached: a screenshot of bucky’s previous tweet] _

**2.1M** likes  **1.3M** retweets

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton _

ill skin ur liver

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

one step forward two steps back i guess :(

* * *

**mj** @michellejones

lol i lost my chapstick under the sofa so peter’s first instinct was to lift the entire thing up with one arm so i could get it. so thoughtful. 

**1.8M** likes  **1.2M** retweets

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @michellejones _

i stronk 

* * *

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

i don’t want responsibilities anymore. just want video game >:I singular. no plural. game. 

**3.2M** likes  **3M** retweets

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

we can play mario kart if u want

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @cbarton _

pls n thank u

* * *

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

ran into mr beck again! what are the odds! no need to save him this time tho, luckily! we had a good time catching up tho! he’s got great taste in candy and is real smart!

**2.1M** likes  **1.7M** retweets

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

kid,,, pls

* * *

**caw caw** @samwilson

bucky ate all of the cinnamon toast crunch i’m going to commit an actual murder

**1.4M** likes  **892k** retweets

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @samwilson _

u will have to catch me first. i am fast. 

 

* * *

**ms maximoff pls** @steponmyneck

ugh wanda is just so pretty,,, i want to braid flowers into her hair while soft classical music plays in the background and rain platters against the window,,,,

**1M** likes  **765k** retweets

**20/20** @vision

_ In reply to @steponmyneck _

ugh mood.

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @vision _

KSHSSKSKKSKLKL

 

* * *

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

me n aunty nat are starting a book club reply with ‘stonks’ if u r available and want to join

**2.7M** likes  **2.2M** retweets

**caw caw** @samwilson

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

stonks

**actual strongest avenger** @drbanner

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

stonks

**baddest (bi)tch** @captmarvel

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

stonks 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

stonks 

**King T’Challa** @blackpanther

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

stonks 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

stonks 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

stonks

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton and @SMOfficial _

nvm i withdraw my stonks

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @jamesbarnes _

why must u break my heart this way

 

* * *

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

wikihow to stop headache and sore throat 

**3.2M** likes  **2.1M** retweets

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

kill to take mind off it

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess _

good idea, will take into consideration ty

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

srsly tho, do u want to come over for a movie night? @jamesbarnes too

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess _

yes pls 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess _

omw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote most of this in the AMs while eating several types of candies :p


	16. why are so many of these chapter titles just me listing off things from the chapter out of context

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i have no idea what has happened in the past of this fic, there is fifteen chapters and i have forgotten all of them n i can't be bothered to reread them. i don't even remember what happened in this chapter and i finished it like 5 mins ago. everytime i open up the word document i black out and when i come back to there's content. 
> 
> enjoy uwu

Peter burrowed deeper into the copious amount of blanket he was currently underneath, sniffling miserably. He had his eyes shut, the light having decided that it wanted to blind him should he even  _ dare _ to open them. 

 

Can’t protect the world from potential threats if you can’t see. 

 

Although there is that one guy… Oh well, Peter wouldn’t be very good at being blind, if the tears pricking his vision at the thought of forgetting how beauty of the people in his life were anything to go by. 

 

He didn’t want pinkeye, so he was very glad that no tears escaped before he could blink them away. Soggy pillows were no fun. 

 

A hand was suddenly tugging at his blankets from the outside, trying to pull them off. Peter moaned in protest, yanking them over his head. The hands outside pulled futilely. 

 

Super-strength, gotta love it. 

 

“Peter for the love of fuck—”

 

Oh, it was Shuri. Still, light was bad, he didn’t want to move, so he did what he needed to try and get her to go away. 

 

Shuri was silent for a few beats, confused no doubt, hands having halted in their efforts “Did you just fucking  _ hiss _ at me?”

 

Peter simply responded with a miserable groan, nasally due to the fact that his sinuses felt like they’d been stuffed with cotton. He snuggled further into his bed, sniffing. “No.” He grumbled. 

 

“Sure fucking sounded like it.”

 

“No,” Peter huffed “It was my… Creeper impression.”

 

“Mm-hm.”

 

“It was! Gonna- Gonna  _ cosplay _ . Go to minecon or something. You should be a cat, the black one with the white paws? Black cat, like your brother, but you’re cooler.” He hoped his compliment might help distract her from the fact that he was babbling, trying to prolong the amount of time he had in the safe confines of his blankets. 

 

Of course, Shuri was smart, so she didn’t humour him. 

 

“Peter, c’mon. I know you’re sick, but you  _ said _ you were coming over to Wakanda with Bucky and I. He’s waiting all on his own in the plane.”

 

She was met with another muffled groan, this time more on the whiny side. She rolled her eyes, pulling harder against the blankets but to no avail. She could feel her feet slipping on the floor as she strained but it didn’t even budge from the teen boy’s grip. Shuri decided she had enough. 

 

“Get your ass out of bed, you little shit. Or I’ll send Thor screenshots of you thirsting over him in our group chat.” That seemed to get the right reaction, as Shuri found herself landing flat on her butt, blankets following her. Peter had let go of them unannounced, pushing himself to sit up. 

 

He looked a mess, no doubt about it, hair like a bird’s nest, eyes bloodshot and tired, indents on his face from having it pressed into the bed sheets and pillows for so long. He did not look like the Spidey his copious amounts of social media followers fawned over. He fixed Shuri with a glare, who merely raised an eyebrow from her spot on the floor. 

 

“You wouldn’t dare.” Peter stated, although the look on his face showed he  _ maybe  _ didn’t believe what he was saying. 

 

Shuri grinned, eyes nowhere near as hard as they were moments ago, taking Peter by surprise for a few seconds at the sudden change. 

 

“You’re right,” She agreed “I wouldn’t. Now let’s go.”

 

 

* * *

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

y’all sleeping on frozen yogurt this shit bomb 

**2.1M** likes  **1.2M** retweets

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

you’re eating my frozen yogurt aren’t you. 

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @cbarton _

… mayhaps…

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @scarletwitch _

… ffs. 

 

* * *

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

accidentally in love is the SUPERIOR shrek song,,, n that’s just the fucking tea. argue with me i dare u. 

**3.8M** likes  **2.1M** retweets

 

**amy** @ynpersonified

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

I have to disagree. Holding Out for A Hero outranks all songs from the shrek franchise. 

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @ynpersonified _

hm. this is the only argument i will consider. 

 

* * *

 

**dr strange? more like dr daddy** @ilystephen

wait,,, are bucky peter and shuri watching the shrek franchise? Icons. 

**5.2k** likes  **2.3k** retweets

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @ilystephen _

yes. it is so much better than i remember it. 

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @ilystephen and @SMOfficial _

he cried when shrek told fiona she was beautiful as an ogre lol

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess _

i’m sick ok i’m allowed to be emotional fuck u

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess and @SMOfficial _

she’s got a point tho pete,,, like,,, mega oof 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

WOW some bff u r >:-( betrayin me. heartbroken. i am cryin. sobbin. tears,,, they r fallin,,

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

i am literally sitting right beside u

_ [attached: a stealthy picture taken of peter, he is staring at his phone completely stone-faced, there is no trace of tears] _

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

i’m suing u for posting that without my consent u bitch

 

* * *

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

the fact that such a large amount of people hate me really does keep me humble. thanks for that. haha!

**2.1M** likes  **1.7M** retweets

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton _

msg me. 

 

* * *

 

**Annoyance to: Bucko**

 

**Annoyance:** why did u want me to message u

 

 **Bucko:** dont play dumb. what’s wrong, what made u tweet that.

 

**Annoyance:** idk. just seems like my mentions are just full of people who Do Not like me. 

 

**Annoyance:** ik i can be like,, annoying and immature but like, it kind of sucks tbh

 

**Annoyance:** idk why tf i posted about it tho. shouldn’t be anyone else’s problem, you guys shouldn’t have to worry bout that. 

 

**Bucko:** what if we want to tho. we care about you clint. 

 

**Annoyance:** you don’t really make it seem like it

 

**Bucko:** i’m sorry if i made it seem like i don’t care about you, i promise i do. i care a lot. i’ll stop treating you like that if it’s hurting you

 

**Annoyance:** no, it’s fine. i was going for a low blow tbh, idk why i did that. sorry. i don’t mind, promise. sorry. 

 

**Bucko:** it’s okay. 

 

**Annoyance:** i just— i wish i was appreciated by the world as much as you and the others. ik i’m a non-powered human, i’m nothing special so i get it, but like,,,

 

**Bucko:** nat’s a non-powered human, she not special either then? 

 

**Annoyance:** of course not!

 

**Bucko:** why are you any different?

 

**Annoyance:** i-

 

**Annoyance:** you little bitch

 

**Bucko:** i’m serious.

 

**Annoyance:** i know you are

 

**Bucko:** you ARE special clint. i’m sorry the world makes you think differently 

 

**Annoyance:** thank you

 

**Bucko has changed Annoyance’s username to: Solntse**

 

**Bucko:** more special than you know

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

i’ve decided i will die for mr beck should the need arise. he is so chaotic. he wears sunglasses indoors and honestly thats kinda Iconic of him. drank lemonade w him today, it was Tasty. 

**3.7M** likes  **2.1M** retweets

 

**mysterious** @quentinbeck

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

glad i’ve been lucky enough to have the coincidence of meeting you thrice! you’re a blessing :-)

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

i’m literally going to have a stroke.

 

* * *

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

what if… we put our minecraft beds next to each other… haha jkjk… unless,,

**1.9M** likes  **1.3M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

mr stark pls stop buying me things i’m literally pleading w u at this point

**4.6M** likes  **3.9M** retweets

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

for more context: 

me: wow i want dominos soooo bad

tony: leave it to me kid

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

30 minutes later and, instead of pizza being dropped on my desk, it is some papers. what is on those papers you ask? oh nothing, just evidence of ownership of Domino’s addressed to peter parker aka ME _. _ ffs mr stark i just wanted a 12” pepperoni pls idk how to run a company 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

am i even old enough to own a company what the f u c k

 

**nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

I will be expecting a discount for being the better twin

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @pietromaximoff _

bitch fuck you. i BETTER be getting shit for free peter or so help me

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

:P

_ [attached: a selfie of peter, felix kjellberg and marzia kjellberg. felix is in a black suit, marzia in a pretty laced wedding dress. peter is at their wedding. they’re all smiling at the camera, peter in the centre but it’s obvious felix has his arm around marzia.] _

**6.7M** likes  **5.9M** retweets

 

**manny** @nottbjzlbro

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

GOD i’m living for this friendship!!!

 

* * *

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

.@SMOfficial @jamesbarnes we should make up a dramatic Conflict between us and get on to Dr.Phil, i want to meet him

**3.7M** likes  **3.1M** retweets

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess _

lol i’m down for that

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess and @jamesbarnes _

this is possibly the best idea you’ve ever had and that’s saying a Lot considering how smart you are

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes and @SMOfficial _

im not completely what our story will be, maybe some sort of love conflict those always get on for some reason. 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess and @jamesbarnes _

me n u are unbelievably in love with bucky to the point of physical combat and he is Worried so he writes in.

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes and @SMOfficial _

i love it. 

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess and @SMOfficial _

it’s also very believable as we all know i am a very pretty man who is loved by all. 

 

* * *

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

had a dream peter was gone. worst dream ever, considering building a wall around the entire wall to prevent dream from happening. 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @iamironman _

i’m not going ANYWHERE mr stark! no need for a barrier lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay but could people actually tell me why so much of stan twitter hates clint i genuinely do not know. (and no the name bucky gave is not just fucking gibberish lmao)
> 
> the last section was one hundred percent relevant to whats going on rn (*cough* disney is the villain not sony *cough*) peter might not be the spidey of the mcu anymore but he's the spidey of my hEART so this fic will continue until my eventual death uwu


	17. amputation came up more often than is common in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha, hey there. been a minute hasn't it? i'm so sorry. school's started back up again for me and i have pretty much no free time for anything i'm so stressed :') along with that, i'm severely depressed and my eating disorder is acting up like a little biTCH right now so haha! fun times for me uwu Once again, apologies for taking so long, i literally hadn't opened the word doc for this fic since the last update and it took 2 days to write and it's not even that good which is honestly so embarrassing i'm so sorry :( i felt so awful for not updating tho so here, have this until i manage to get a grip on myself and actually write good uwu
> 
> also: some sexual innuendo/implied past sexy times between two minors is in this chapter. nothing t o o bad, and it's not even explicitly stated, just implied in ways teens imply everything lol. you can decide whether they were just joking around or if it was Truthful, it's not that big of a deal to the (non-existent) plot

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

weight loss tip: lose an arm

**2.3M** likes  **1.8M** retweets

 

**cap** @steverogers

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

no.

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

shIT I NEVER BOUGHT A NINTENDO SWITCH I NEED ONE FOR WHEN POKEMON SWORD/SHIELD N ANIMAL CROSSING COME OUT FUCK

**3.4M** likes  **2.1M** retweets

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

oh shit same fuck--

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess _

lol losers. how have you NOT got the switch yet?

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

idk how r u 100 years old and not got a bf yet

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @wakandanprincess and @jamesbarnes _

LMAOOOOOO

 

* * *

 

**nat** @blackwidow

my thighs hurt so bad owch

**1.3M** likes  **987k** likes

 

**baddest (bi)tch** @captmarvel

_ In reply to @blackwidow _

let me help i have training in massage therapy 

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @captmarvel _

no you Do Not

 

**baddest (bi)tch** @captmarvel

_ In reply to @blackwidow _

ur right i don’t i just wanna caress your thighs pls let me do so ma’am 

 

**nat** @blackwidow 

_ In reply to @captmarvel _

could have just said that come over :)

 

* * *

 

**SpideyKid** @SMOfficial

what the heck i leave twitter for ten minutes and suddenly i see that my Official Adopted Mom and Unofficial Adopted Aunt have gone off to frick or something what the hECK

**2.1M** likes  **1M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**NYPost** @NewYorkPost

The bite of the Brazilian wandering spider can cause long and painful erections, as well as other symptoms, in human males.

_ [attached: a link to an article about spider facts, a picture of a spider on a web also accompanies this.] _

**2.1M** likes  **1.2M** retweets

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @NewYorkPost _

.@nedleeds 

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

PETER SKSKKSKSKSLDSFJH

 

 **mj**  @michellejones

_In reply to @SMOfficial and @nedleeds_

pretty sure ned's after having an aneurysm i think u might have killed him pete he's not moving

 

 **SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_In reply to @michellejones_

uwu

 

* * *

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

i never want to see my kid talking about giving his bf an erection through biting EVER AGAIN he is BANNED from the internet for LIFE

**2.2M** likes  **1.2M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**Clint Stan #1** @SerenitysFire98

.@cbarton pls never doubt urself u are so awesome and badass and important and so important to everyone especially those in the deaf community i!!! love you uwu

**745.2k** likes  **654.9k** retweets

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @SerenitysFire98 _

i’m-- this is the nicest thing i’ve been told omg there are literal tears falling hhhh thank you.,,,,..

 

* * *

 

**caw caw** @samwilson

if peter hits me with his own amputated arm ONE MORE TIME i am leaving the avengers i did NOT sign up for this shit

**1.8M** likes  **1.2M** retweets

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @samwilson _

but u always scream for like 30 seconds straight and its funny :(

 

**caw caw** @samwilson

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

thaT SHOULDN’T BE A REASON TO DO IT

 

* * *

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

clint log onto fucking minecraft already i need u to help me steal villagers from their homes

**1.7M** likes  **1.2M** retweets

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

okay okay calm down jfc i’m logging on

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

wow i can’t believe bucky replaced me w clint as Designated MineCraft Buddy. i’m genuinely heartbroken why would he want clint he’s a griefer smh

**2.3M** likes  **2M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

i literally spent all night playing nintendogs and all i have to say is: should be more slots for dogs n cats. 

**2.1M** likes  **1.7M** retweets

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @scarletwitch  _

if i can’t have them all then what’s the point honestly. 

 

* * *

 

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

uh oh big sad incoming

**3.2M** likes  **2.1M** retweets

 

**not a goddess but should be** @valkyrie

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

you okay bb

 

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

_ In reply to @valkyrie _

idk :(

 

**not a goddess but should be** @valkyrie

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

bruce is gonna be up to your room in a bit okay? 

 

**strongest avenger** @thorodinson

_ In reply to @valkyrie _

i love you. 

 

 **not a goddess but should be** @valkyrie

_ In reply to @thorodinson _

i love you too

 

* * *

 

**king ash** @flaire

i hope thor’s alright :((

**78k** likes  **42k** retweets

 

**actual strongest avenger** @drbanner

_ In reply to @flaire _

he will be, no worries

 

* * *

 

Peter sat in his gaming chair, playing MineCraft, as he so often did nowadays. He was really proud of how his base was coming along, and he had managed to collect a wide array of pets (none of which he brought with him when exploring because FUCK THAT he is NOT losing any of them) whom he adored dearly. He was currently fishing, which he had been doing for an hour or so, in order to get name tags for his many pets. He couldn’t be bothered to go looking for chests. 

 

He was brought out of his Intense Gaming Session by a ding on his phone, taking a quick glance, he saw it was a twitter notification. That meant it was likely important, for he only had Shuri, Bucky, Tony and Thor’s notifications on.

 

Okay, maybe not important considering Shuri and Bucky just liked to shitpost every ten minutes, but Peter was never one to pass up the Funny. 

 

Due to this, Peter paused his game, pushing out his chair a bit to grab his phone. It was a notification from Thor’s twitter. Peter remembered when Thor had posted shirtless pics from a photoshoot a month or two earlier. He had nearly had a stroke when he first saw them. He opened the notification faster than any notification before.

 

It was not a photoshoot.

 

Peter’s brows furrowed upon seeing the exchange between him and Valkyrie, growing more worried with each of Thor’s responses. Valkyrie’s message talking about Bruce made him remember that Thor was staying at Stark Tower for a week.

 

Without another moment’s thought, Peter got up, heading for Thor’s room. Even with the schoolkid-esque crush Peter harboured for him, he was also his friend, and Peter hated it when his friends were hurting. Besides, Bruce was out right now, it would take a while for him to come check on Thor.

 

Peter knocked gently on the door of Thor’s room, hearing a gruff ‘Come in’ after a few moments. He did so.

 

The God was sitting at the edge of his bed, hands interlocked with each other and gnawing on his lower lip. He looked up at the door opening, eyes soft when he saw it was Peter. He looked away again.

 

“Why are you here, Son of Stark?”

 

Peter suppressed the urge to huff at the name, the current situation making him more aware of how his actions may be taken by the God. He didn’t want Thor to feel he was annoyed with him.

 

“I saw you were upset,” He explained, leaning on the doorframe for a second before slowly moving into the room, closing the door with a gentle click as he did so.

 

Thor huffed a laugh, bringing a hand to rub down his face, ducking his head down, effectively shielding himself from the young man. “Yes, I suppose you did,” He mused, mirth in his grin which slowly fell again “Probably should have used the Direct Message feature.”

 

“Maybe.” Peter shrugged, moving to stand in front of Thor, putting his hands in his pockets “Why are you sad?”

 

Thor shook his head “You are a child, I will not burden you with whatever troubles I may be having, it wouldn’t be right to do so.”

 

“I literally fight crime.”

 

Thor glanced up at him, a sad smile now on his face “Still.”

 

A silence fell upon them for a moment, neither of them not quite knowing just what to say. Peter sighed, realising Thor was serious in not telling him. 

 

“Well,” His voice caused Thor to look up at him once more “If you’re not gonna tell me, want to just wait together? For Bruce to come? Company makes me feel better.”

 

Thor smiled “That doesn’t sound too bad.”

 

Peter grinned, sitting beside Thor at the edge of the bed. He contemplated for a moment before holding his hand out, palm up. Thor stared at it for a moment before slowly placing his own hand atop it, interlacing their fingers.

 

His hand was so much bigger in comparison to Peter’s. 

 

They sat like that for a while, Peter slightly leaning into Thor’s side, offering him all of the comfort his presence could possibly give him, his thumb lightly stroking the God’s hand.

 

It was around five minutes later that they heard a knock on the door. Peter looked from the door to Thor, giving him a smile. 

 

“I think that’s Bruce,” He slipped his hand from the other’s and got up to walk towards it. Opening it revealed that he was right, Bruce stood there, slightly surprised by Peter’s presence but smiling after a moment. 

 

“I got it from here, Pete.” He assured, Peter moving out of his way to allow him in, closing the door behind him.

 

Peter stood by the door for a moment, listening. Not to be rude, just to hear.

 

“Hi, love.” Bruce's voice was soft, softer than usual. Maybe he only spoke this way to Thor and Valkyrie. Or maybe just Thor. How would he know.

 

Thor’s voice was too deep to decipher or understand, but Peter suspected it was likely something along the lines of Bruce’s greeting. 

 

With a grin, Peter left back for his room. He had cats to name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTE: nothing that happened between Thor and Peter in the last section had any actual romantic intent! Peter's just got a typical Teen Crush on Thor and, since it was in his POV, he was kinda just romanticizing everything in his head like most kids do with crushes. Thor is not a predator, no worries!! Idk if that was clear or anything, I just felt like it wouldn't hurt to confirm, y'know!
> 
> Also this is almost at 20k hits which is honestly mind boggling because i really feel like i don't deserve it :') thank u all so much uwu uwu uwu


	18. too tired to think of a title zzzzzz,zzz,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so it's been like 22 days sup how are ya. once again, sorry for not updating i feel really bad but i was Busy w school and crying and stuff lol. also playing pokemon nonstop but whatever skskksks. i'm actually so tired right now and i literally spelled maximoff as maximoo like 3 times in a row at one point so i just can't be arsed rn i just wanna sleep hhh. also every time i tried to write this this past month i just ended up crying because of killmonger bc he deserved better so everytime i was writing i had to just,,, stop. whic was pretty iconic of me. ANYWAYS enjoy this sorry its so short but pls enjoy i'm onlike my tenth mental breakdown of the month sdjkdsjkdjfjfhs ok i'm gonna sleep now

**IronDad** @iamironman

name a better duo than my fear of abandonment and instinct to self isolate.

**3.3M** likes  **2.1M** retweets

 

**cap** @steverogers

_ In reply to @iamironman _

you and i

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @steverogers _

*holding back tears* alright. 

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

it has come to my attention that my Fathers are Lovey-Dovey on tuesday’s specifically… will be taking a regular hiatus on tuesdays from now on.

**2.2M** likes  **1.3M** retweets

 

* * *

 

**i’m a PRINCE bitch** @killmonger

@ the random Karen at the mall today who tried to start shit bc she thought i was stealing despite my only walking into the store,, i will tear out your throat w my teeth if it happens again i have the jaw strength. thinkin i have to steal. bitch i live in a PALACE tf you on

**1.9M** likes  **1.3M** retweets

 

**shuri** @wakandanprincess

_ In reply to @killmonger _

the press will have a field day with this… i love it

 

* * *

 

**evanses** @stevenses

wait,,, isn’t that killmonger guy the guy that tried to take over wakanda and succeeded?? what is happening rn.

**2.1k** likes  **1.3k** retweets

 

**i’m a PRINCE bitch** @killmonger

_ In reply to @stevenses _

cuz hooked me up w extensive therapy and no jail sentence as apology for the whole murder thing in our Tragic Backstory together 

 

**King T’Challa** @blackpanther

_ In reply to @killmonger _

and you make me regret it every single day   
  


* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

sometimes you just gotta hhhHHHSJGHSGKnSBJHN ya know?

**2.7M** likes  **2M** retweets

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

lol mood

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

shoutout to that lady at the airport who found out i was spiderman before i revealed my identity but minded her business lol 

**5.2M** likes **3.1M** retweets

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

wait when the f uc,k/ did this happe n

 

**cap** @steverogers

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman _

u okay luv

 

**IronDad** @iamironman

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @steverogers _

i thimk im ha vin g a strok,,.e kID WHAT THE FUCK 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @iamironman _

whoops. gotta blast. *dramatically jumps into @peitromaximoff ‘s arms as we speed away*

 

**nyoom nyoom bitch** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

am speedy. zip zip. 

 

* * *

 

**mj** @michellejones

do u think if i told my english teacher i couldn’t write the essay bc i was too depressed they’d let me off or would they just call an institute.

**25.7k** likes  **43.2k** retweets

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @michellejones _

this is a serious question.

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @michellejones _

i can write it for you in exchange of you doing the math hw i’ll no doubt get assigned tmrw

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @nedleeds _

deal. 

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

*places feathery light kisses on each of @scarletwitch ‘s bloody knuckles as i bandage them tenderly*

**4.8M** likes  **3.2M** retweets

 

**denial** @danialbutwithanE

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

skskskahaj why

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @danielbutwithanE _

she split them open punching a nazi <3 she’s so cool 

 

**20/20** @vision

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

that’s…,, hot

 

**wanda** @scarletwitch

_ In reply to @SMOfficial and @vision _

:)

 

* * *

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

this just in: natasha romanov cheats at mortal kombat

**782k** likes  **621k** retweets

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @cbarton _

for the last time: just because i beat you three times in a row doesn’t mean i cheated. how tf do you even cheat at mortal kombat anyway

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @blackwidow _

uh idk ask yourself cuz you’re the one who CHEATED

 

**nat** @blackwidow

_ In reply to @cbarton _

jfc

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton _

nah man u just suck, i was in the room while you were playing against each other

 

**cli(n)t** @cbarton

_ In reply to @jamesbarnes _

you don’t have to tell me you were in the room, i always know when you’re near me <3

 

**bucky** @jamesbarnes

_ In reply to @cbarton  _

wow. 

 

* * *

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

my hands are shaking so bad that when i hold paper it sounds like it’s laminated

**3.1M** likes  **3M** retweets

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

… are you okay pete??

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @nedleeds _

i am so tired..,. but i have so much work….,

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

peter go to bed the teachers will let you off this once you’re literally a superhero

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @michellejones _

but i don’t want them to let me off bc i’m a superhero. if i wanted to be treated like that i’d just be homeschooled in the tower. i wanna be treated normally

 

**Guy In The Chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

i think what mj means is that the teachers will probs give u an extension or smth if you explain you don’t get the time w/ night patrols and stuff. you’ve been tired af lately pete, you need rest. 

 

**SpiderKid** @SMOfficial

_ In reply to @nedleeds _

i guess…. @michellejones i’m sorry i misunderstood i love u

 

**mj** @michellejones

_ In reply to @SMOfficial _

ily2 dumbass. now go to bed already. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what mj said about her essay is the exact thing i said to my friends today lol but i ended up finishing the story by writing 4k words on the spot so!! thats good i guess,, the story i had to write is shitty and rushed but it likely isn't gonna be the worst in my class so i got that going for me lol. also peter talking about the laminated paper is also something i said today lol i self project into this story a lot lol can you tell ok goodnight i love u all sweet drreams

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter is really heckin short but that’s mainly cuz i’m just trying it out. next chapters should be longer tho


End file.
